should probably get my anxiety in check, today after viciously honking my horning screaming/raging out of the window I almost followed the dumb fuck (insert racial slur) to wherever he was going to and lay his dumb ass out. I was so mad I was visibly shaking. Granted he tried pulling some nig shit to the cars in front of me, then to me..um excuse me? I know you see my demolish derby ass xterra get the fuck out of my way. Usually I am so Idk, I have slight road torrets anyway but I am not so quick to want to manhandle a man and make him cry, but I swear I could have..but I needed to make it to the flea market and do my laundry so I had a limited time schedule to work with. That sentence sounds like I do my laundry at the flea marker, I don't. Got tipped twenty on a thirty, thank you sir.
I have a lot to say, a lot but I just can't bring myself to face/say them outloud.
All I do is think, people have been saying "jill, youre so quiet." "jill whats up with you" I just have to shrug it off. Lots of things are up with me, and I'm thinking so I'm quiet. I'm annoyed with everything, so I'm quiet. Things aren't okay and I haven't a clue what I want with anything or anyone. I just want to be alone/with milo or with my best friend. But that plan is shot to hell, so in turn I feel even more lost.
Portland? shall I? or will I just be more miserable and alone than I already feel.
I feel jumbled, unstable, bittersweet, used, more jumbled, any adjective for jumbled, scrambled, chopped, covered, (lol wafflehouse) loaded and unloaded. I feel alone, just alone. cause and effect I guess.
annoyance: when people say sec, like gimme a sec. I can not stand sec instead of second.
hormones, helloooo.
2 comments:
this was a good post. don't ask me why. i'm sorry you've been feeling this way, we've talked, yadda yadda. i miss you. don't move to portland. after being moved so much by that shirt today, i think our goal for the next year should be to stay at jersey shore for like a week or 2 next summer. yes yes? i forgot to take my birth control, not that it matters. so i took 3 at once. this morning i had morning sickness, my mom said it was bc my body thought i was pregnant. so that was fucked up. i really just miss you, and whatever is going on i hope that one way or the other i see you soon. "watched me get my hair washed" and uhh, us dancing to that dance? p.s. i think most people have replaced frenemy with best friend in talking about us now. so that's good...lolll. still funny when we said it though. *YOU ARE GOING ON A DATE* those were good days.
anyway, i think my best advice would come in song- Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.
It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.
hahah. do you feel more at peace now? i love you. don't let shit get you down. just remember you don't have shitty tattoos and your vajay doesn't look like it's been thru the meat processor"sex is like breathing" and youll be ok. i think i just wrote you a luv letter. njoi
I just miss you too. I feel like everything is changing daily, faster than that. By the minute and I'm just along for the ride..not really making any concrete choices just whatever at this point. Semi irresponsible..semi if I don't do this I'll end up regreting it. I'm not even totally sure of my reasoning. All I know is any question anyone asks me, regardless of my feelings I'd say shore. Shore, I'll do that, Shore I'll go there. Shore shore shore shore. like I just don't care, at all. Complete apathy. In which case I can't decide if that is healthy or all around dangerous, at any rate I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter..it's just how I am now. I just do not care, about anything. Except dags, family, you of course and a select group of people. I do miss Atlanta, that much I know to be a genuine feeling..no apathy included. I just wish it was all easier. I miss us like living together in my garage of an urbanized apartment in buckhead. I miss mcdonalds for every meal, kind of miss it anyway my ass is sending many thanks. We still have yet to make that solja boy remake video. HAD we been on true life as planned we could have been famous and made millions, suck ont hat solja, boy. Anyway real quick ramble, those girls on that sucked..and in turn we would have sucked. I'll be seeing you next week though so not all is lost.
jersey shores next summer, bitch you know I am fucking there.
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