hey you

with the mac. I seeeee you.

sex and the city reruns and applesauce. nothin better.

chunk mail

today was the prettiest it's been in so long. pulled out the romper and sandals.
dog parked most of the day, walked the neighborhood...I live in the best little nook. Then went to Daddy D'z with andrew, jojo and ryan. Ate my weight in pulled pork. got damn. So good, so worth it.
Went to the Oiler show last night from beginning to almost end, baby got hungry. The b-boy battle for three hours was unreal, I really had not expected that in the slightest, haha. I know it annoyed Josh, it did take away a lot from the actual Oiler show. Jon's in town, the more I think about it the more I realize I go to him for everything I don't know how to do. Constant. Did Alex's hair the other day followed by two other heads. haha. I saw Franco the other day, hahahaha. I knew it was him from like two blocks away. Saw Edv the other day too. just driving while we were walking the dogs. I'm glad things are as they are. So glad. It's kind of nice not really being comfy close with a lot of people, being a step behind or step ahead, a few in both ways. Make no mistake in the things I put in quotations...I'm not the one saying those mean mean things. Friends, what a bullshit word.
Far enough behind to sit back and laugh, a toast to all things unchanging and foolish, foolish ways.

death bed

this is kind of what my life feels like right now. Sunday morning I wake up miserable, and it's done nothing but progress. Finally went to the doctor yesterday, bronchitis....if I wouldnt have caught it, it was well on it's way to pneumonia ( this is the first time in four years I've caught it in time.) Now I have syzzzurp and an inhaler and some other bullshit. I'm supposed to drink lots of water but I keep throwing up....all the water. Why is this my life? On a brighter note, my family has been amazing through this and so has Tina. She literally went from doctor to doctor to pharmacy to pharmacy with me, because of my out of state insurance provider. Inhaler, I always wanted one. I also always wanted a broken arm, glasses and braces. I got all the rest, and now I got the inhaler....I'm just not in middle school anymore. After this illness episode, I am vowing to put my health first. Grapefruit seed extract, lots of vitamins and water. I am so sick of every winter catching not just the flu but something that literally makes me miserable for days on end. Fuck you immune system, I'm fighting back.

I wonder what it's like to fit into a stereotype? I wonder how it feels when karma reaches it's arms out to wrap you in your own faults? I am off the map.

guuh

one of my favorite things is to shower and then sit down in the shower and just lay there. Especially when I'm sick. I seriously could do it for hours. My fever feels like it's gone down a little. My chest still feels like it's been poisoned. Every year, pneumonia. every yearrrr. Valentine's day was a huge bust, I spent the entire day alternating between crying and coughing. Finally fell asleep around six thirty this morning, only for a few hours the coughing started right back up. Kelly brought me pancakes this morning/afternoon. so thoughtful. Teen Mom's all day, fuck my life. BINTLEY, BINTLEY. "get it through your head, we had sex A LOT." hahahahaha, but seriously this show makes me rull sad. maybe just because I'm bed-ridden sick. Farrah is a total bitch.

up out my face

currently obsessed with nicki minaj. got damn.
daaaamn skinny seth rogan, you could get it.


i hope other people think she as retarded as fuck. like idiot bitch. iiddddddddddddiottt bitch.
and I fucking knew as soon as tik tok came on the gd radio every girl i went to high school with would name their facebook albums, "gettin, crunk crunk." or something along those lines. Like i jokingly repeat her shit. but ugh. fucufckcufkc.

if i ever call my boyfriend, the boy...someone euthanize me. really, i give you permission. on that note; CRAZZZYYY ALERT vvvvv. HAHAHAHA like oh? what? kid cudi. what?

interpol

constant.
sitting here. sitting. sitting. sat. sit. I was not made for dreary weather. was not, am not, will not. I feel like my brain just is not cut out for it. I just watched Milo look at himself for almost two minutes in this new mirror I just put up. It's not really new, actually the total opposite. Probably older than my parents. Actually probably older than that because it's been at the Clermont...so however old it actually is multiply that by the amount of fat old naked ass it's seen. Old. ancient, probably. Anyway, I hate this weather. I just want to be able to walk with my dogs to the dog park and be in the sun. Instead I work till twoish. Come home. dick around with different odds and ends, deciding where to place each trinket. end up moving it over three more times. decide fuck that trinket and pack it up and out of my sight. I found four EMPTY bottles of shampoo, that I packed in a box. Hoard much? I got all the boxes out of our bedroom and I feel a little bit better about my life in general. Gruber helped me carry all that I couldn't it's been really good hanging out with her. Got the cutest romper.ever. today. Real excited about it, so excited about it I plan on still wearing it with leggings in the winter. Don't care. I'm letting my brain throw up. it's been a while. Tomorrow I work two to volume, I hope that means like seven or eight because I have plans. Probably not involving the show, though it would be good. Anna called me the other day. caught up. was good. I know she catches a lot of hell, but she is a decent person with heart. Anyway, tomorrow night will be my first alone night in the new house. We have some insane security system though so I guess I shouldnt think too much of it. Getting a couch from Josh and maybe a chair from grubs.

Talked to Edv today for a while on the phone, it was cool. Like it's really cool just being able to be friends. He has a bunch of house stuff of mine so I should be getting all that back soon. He may apply at Wagalot. Eddie said it wouldn't bug him. It's such a nice feeling. Being secure. stable. Like none of the above being an issue. Being able to be happy for whatever reason. I like it. It's weird too. I've never planned on kids or marriage. ever. I mean I want those things at one point, but it's not something I bring up to anyone I'm dating or include them in. Just don't. it's dumb. But the night before last and even weeks prior we've had that talk. Or he has. Like Idk "our kids," "when we get married." etc. And for the first time in my head, I'm okay with making plans. I'm okay with it. I've always been the one to feel like saying I love you through out the day or after a significant other does something I like etc. I just never have. He's that way and he's so vocal about it.

It feels like I can finally breathe.

live or die

but don't poison everything

I think if Dirty wants his money, y’all should give him his money.

playlist lately; jj. nicki minaj. always lady gaga.

Yesterday we moved a ton of junk, junk into the new place. Todaaaay I move the rest and unpack. I'm putting it off by watching this Tom Cruise movie about lucid dreaming. I caught it at the end, so I'm just following along. I kind of enjoy it. I love lucid dreaming, waking life. amazing movie.

Im enjoying things right now, relishing in everything I have and will have. I have the cutest little house. The best dogs. Amazing family. and such good friends. Tharik came over last night, we watched hoarders and ate cake. I love making cake. I still have a fat lip and a skinned chin, it was worth it. by far, so worth it. I like work a lot. I'm ready to work more though. Friends from florida are coming up this week. So I guess girls night on Thursday while the boys go pick up ryan. I'm totally liking this movie, maybe it's just penelope cruz.

I forget that my mom went to college here. that she and my dad lived in this city after she graduated. It's weird because she's so far away, always has been. But I'm poking around in the same city she was in at my age. Not going to Emory and becoming a doctor like she. But still. When I was packing I saw a lot of my mom in me. So many little trinkets and knick knacks. I like that about me...speaking of hoarders. haha. Milo is crying, like whimpering like baby. He has been so needy lately.

Got a text from a guy friend last night:
him " I just said something to your ex."
me "what? wait what?"
him "I'm at mellow muchroom for dollar drafts so is he....he's with this real busted chick...like real busted."
me"oh thats probably his girlfriend."
"whatd you say?"
him"fuck you, jill is so hot....im drunk."

hahaha, eh. I'm really happy to say I'm not bitter. Like I just want him to be happy. Even if she and I had prior whatevers before they dated, I don't care. I don't. I am so happy with my life.
Okay, I want to decorate now. Before gruber gets outta school I should have everything semi unpacked.