I can eat a pint of Moose Tracks in about three minutes flat. I don't know whether to be proud of myself or disgusted. I'll go with proud, it tastes better.
Been thinking a lot lately, about how in tune we are..even if things take place at seperate times. It really only makes sense to say we are twins on some alternate plane. I wonder if we will die around the same time. I can see it happening.
Watching Milo and Ben burrow under the covers has to be one of my favorite things that happens through out the day. So sweet. "BEN WILL ALWAYS BE MY DOG!" Still cracks my shit up. YEAH OKAY CRAZY.
Okay I legit just finished the pint I just fucking cracked into. I hate myself. How did I do that?
It's always freezing in my house, below freezing actually. I can not wait to not have roommates. I am looking forward to moving to Portland, I think I'm pretty set on it for sometime next year. It will be nice to be in a city I'm familiar with but I can get to know even better. It'll be nice to be near my mom for the first time in eight years, wow..I can not believe it's been that long. Insane. It'll just be nice I think, to not know anyone, meet new people and just regroup. Depending on if I want to start a career there or not, but I know I can see testing the cold NorthWest waters for at least a year. Ahhh, the beaches of the north pacific, a hoodie over your suit in the summer will always be my favorite. Anticipation.
You knew me at my best, now I can't even stand on my own. I do love those lyrics but they could not be farther from the truth. I got better, I got stronger, and I know I can be alone. That is the only solid thing I take from my previous relationshit. Kelly and I were talking about how little my ex and I talk. When we see each other it's like we never lived together for over a year. I don't necessarily hate it. We started talking about my now relationship. I honestly sometimes don't count anything before this, because those "loves" were completely different and in the end, love wasn't the feeling I felt after all was said and done. There is a complete difference. Eddie and I don't terrorize each other, we don't fight constantly, we don't do things out of spite and we always end anything with "i love you, the most." " all my heart." Always, we fall asleep smiling and we don't need to spend every single minute with each other, we have our own hobbies and friends. Obviously there are things I can work on, because I suck. But for the most part we always have it good, and I can always say it will never be a "sometimes" with us. Even when it's not good, it is so good. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, he doesn't work like that. He isn't sneaky and he doesn't lie. I feel like that kind of love sets apart the real from the bullshit. I don't miss my exboyfriend and I don't care that we don't speak because our relationship was a harmful one. If it starts and ends harmful, the friendship won't be amazing or solid. I know he can say the same about his, probably worse actually because unlike mine, his tried to meddle in our now relationship. So I think the good ones end up with the good ones and so on and so forth. Sometimes that a good apple will get the worm, but I think maybe just maybe sometimes that balances, if the worm doesn't eat her way through...to what she may think is a good apple, but really it's rather rotten.
I know you know.
I feel a migraine near, maybe it's all the death in the air. Stirring around as restless as I sometimes find myself. Looming.
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