interpol

constant.
sitting here. sitting. sitting. sat. sit. I was not made for dreary weather. was not, am not, will not. I feel like my brain just is not cut out for it. I just watched Milo look at himself for almost two minutes in this new mirror I just put up. It's not really new, actually the total opposite. Probably older than my parents. Actually probably older than that because it's been at the Clermont...so however old it actually is multiply that by the amount of fat old naked ass it's seen. Old. ancient, probably. Anyway, I hate this weather. I just want to be able to walk with my dogs to the dog park and be in the sun. Instead I work till twoish. Come home. dick around with different odds and ends, deciding where to place each trinket. end up moving it over three more times. decide fuck that trinket and pack it up and out of my sight. I found four EMPTY bottles of shampoo, that I packed in a box. Hoard much? I got all the boxes out of our bedroom and I feel a little bit better about my life in general. Gruber helped me carry all that I couldn't it's been really good hanging out with her. Got the cutest romper.ever. today. Real excited about it, so excited about it I plan on still wearing it with leggings in the winter. Don't care. I'm letting my brain throw up. it's been a while. Tomorrow I work two to volume, I hope that means like seven or eight because I have plans. Probably not involving the show, though it would be good. Anna called me the other day. caught up. was good. I know she catches a lot of hell, but she is a decent person with heart. Anyway, tomorrow night will be my first alone night in the new house. We have some insane security system though so I guess I shouldnt think too much of it. Getting a couch from Josh and maybe a chair from grubs.

Talked to Edv today for a while on the phone, it was cool. Like it's really cool just being able to be friends. He has a bunch of house stuff of mine so I should be getting all that back soon. He may apply at Wagalot. Eddie said it wouldn't bug him. It's such a nice feeling. Being secure. stable. Like none of the above being an issue. Being able to be happy for whatever reason. I like it. It's weird too. I've never planned on kids or marriage. ever. I mean I want those things at one point, but it's not something I bring up to anyone I'm dating or include them in. Just don't. it's dumb. But the night before last and even weeks prior we've had that talk. Or he has. Like Idk "our kids," "when we get married." etc. And for the first time in my head, I'm okay with making plans. I'm okay with it. I've always been the one to feel like saying I love you through out the day or after a significant other does something I like etc. I just never have. He's that way and he's so vocal about it.

It feels like I can finally breathe.