rewritten drafts

I'm alive, wishing I were dead. Is the only constant thought I had in my head early Sunday morning until this morning. That is why I get drunk once every three months. White girl wasted. Thank god I had Matt to take me to Mcdonalds at four am, he said the only thing I kept saying was " youre my best friend Matty." That's probably true. One of my favorite men. On that note, I'll explain what the rest of that morning ended up being. Eddie said he woke up to me butt naked, throwing up on the wall. Thank god he loves me. After he mopped the floor/wall he put me in the shower and came back to check on me, pushing throw up down the drain, crying, saying "they lied to me." I have no idea what in the fuck I was talking about, he said he sat in the bathroom until I wanted to get out of the shower put me in a pair of boxers and a tshirt and tucked me in. Where I stayed until I started vomiting again around 8 am. Ugh, I don't even feel like explaining the rest but, I found my favorite underwear in the shower this morning, surprise. Four bobby pins hiding in my rats nest, too many drunk dails to too many boys and a fever of 101, oh hey. Happy America Day. goddamn.

And now I'm done drinking for a long long time, it's called a limit and it's something I'll never grasp. Thanks mom. The gratitude I have for my amazing boyfriend through out these past few days is unreal. Tolerant would be an understatement. And for him to still tell me I'm beautiful through out yesterday and to still want to lay in bed with me all day, I will never understand.

Just spent the entire day with Alison, in honor of her birthday. Went to MAC for makeup, which turned out amazing. Saw her and Ryan off on their date, adorable. I am so happy for her. Things work out accordingly I guess.

In that same area, I feel like people completely block out bits of their past. I mean they must, right? It's the only excuse for someone to keep trying at something broken, because that's all I've ever heard..and for good reason. It's just kind of pathetic to say the very least. Alls well that never ends well, and karma always comes back around to slap some reality into the delusional, which is what you are referred to by everyone we have in common. Delusional. Because any relationship that was attempted to be mended was broken a long long time ago. I've already heard the horror stories from what a terrible relationship it was. "delusional loser."
I love my life and it's not going anywhere, neither am I. So drink up, you're going to need it.