Acid House Kings are on a steady rotation lately, it's four AM.
Josh, Jon and Josie just left. I have good friends to keep me company.
Thinking over the choices I know I could or should or would make and it just ends in frustration, always. I get so caught up in what I think I should be doing, I don't think about what I actually want. What will make me happy, even if it's fleeting. Then I think about how maybe in the scheme of things it is better to let things fade out, which happens and then it seeps back into my brain, unlocking familiar doors, down the same path it's taken time and time again.
Familiarity, is that what things boil down to? Part of me thinks yes, but the other thinks there is nothing familiar about this...same scenarios, different years. I wish I was still eighteen. I feel so jumbled and discontent, I hate that feeling, how it creeps up on me when I am my happiest. Fuck you.
Today some song was playing and Eddie said, " this is going to play at our wedding."
I'm 21 right? I'm still young, so why do I feel so goddamn old. Maybe everything I want boils down to me trying to act out my adolescence. Today I had a long talk with Jean it ended in turning my world upside down, shaking everything up I've grown so comfortable in. As much as I think I need that, I feel like I more so need what I have. I'm twenty-one, I'm twenty-one, I'm twenty-one. Right?....right.... oh. okay. Trust my gut?
Going to look at my Portland trip pictures until I fall alseep.
"This is where it stops
This is the end
Once a rising star
Now decent
Going back to nothing"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment