sometimes

everything makes me sad too.

brrightlywound (1:01:10 AM): im just everything makes me sad too sometimes
Rusuchi kun (1:01:37 AM): yeah
Rusuchi kun (1:01:42 AM): i dunno
Rusuchi kun (1:01:49 AM): a lot of things are broken
brrightlywound (1:01:41 AM): everything is broken
brrightlywound (1:01:45 AM): in some way or another.
brrightlywound (1:01:48 AM): its all the same.
brrightlywound (1:01:53 AM): and its all different
brrightlywound (1:02:04 AM): im changing everyday but remaining the same.

even the brightest of gold seems to fade. tarnish.

my family. the one thing you feel safest around, is the one thing i cant face.
i know my blogspot is selfish, rightfully so.
i cant remember the last time i saw my dad, i feel like the next time i hug him ill cry.
crying isnt something im okay with.
im learning.
im watching this thing on cleft palletes and children born with deformities, eddie is fast asleep.
i watch this and i think about all the trivial insecurities i have, my weight, if im pretty enough, my hair, my fucking sty.
and i watch this and realize..... seriously jill. seriously.

im right where, i never though id be.
right here.
everything is fine, operation school is in full effect.
i start in like two weeks.

i want to make a difference. i want to be remembered.
is it wrong that my drive is completely egotistical and i dont care one bit.

parents have aborted children before just because they would have been born with a cleft pallete. are you kidding me with that? im for prochoice....but that could be prevented, first of all if you are far enough along to know that is the case for you baby- uh no. you can not kill a baby, that is a baby. and maybe because im becoming more domestic that bothers me. and there is surgery! that can be fixed in a matter of hours!
whatever though, to each his own i suppose.
what goes around comes around.
god, i hope thats true.
im mindlessly rambling, about nothing- of course.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
im ridiculously nostlagic and its making me nauseous.
i just want to cuddle and up and sleep.
but i cant.

fuck.