bah humbug

Ive been thinking; which has the potential for good or bad.

is everything just a matter of convenience, every relationship, friendship, acquaintance...everything.

is it all just due to the convenience, one thing leads to another and here we are.
an ongoing cycle of whats good for you.

if there is ever any real like for another person or love..
parental love is different, I'm just thinking about any other kind of relationship. IE friendship etc.

is anything ever about anything else? or does it all just boil down to one or all three things;
lust, convenience, compromise.
will i ever really know anyone?

married couples for instance- was it about one or more persons being in a transitional period in their life... and they thought you know he/she would be good for me right now.
or i have no one and or nothing else she is a good kissing buddy.

one or the other just needed something, needed to be needed.
they couldn't get what they wanted earlier in life so they figure...eh, why the hell not he'll do.

i don't want that. id rather have nothing at all.

with that said, i will always have greys anatomy.

we found an amazing house.
marycatherine, franco, eddie and i.
i did a floor plan of everything today.
oh and i made an amazing dinner.
i start school relatively soon, I'm nervous-very nervous.

last night was horrible, horrible.

i like my nightly bubble bath routine Ive gotten into.
sometimes i just want to break.

oh and, i think its funny that people play complete roles.
i can not stand when girls suck up to me because they want my boyfriend.
I'm not jealous of them, because clearly if he wanted to be with them he would be.
but, the texts or calls i hear about etc just get ooooold to everyone involved.
and it couldn't be more two faced. i just don't get it, i've never been one of those girls.
speaking of two-faced, its horrible when old friends do nothing but let you down.
i expect it from strangers or acquaintances, but long term friends.
its unfortunate to see how other peoples lives turned out and how unhappy they are.
i really do hate it for them.