not sure what to even put down aside from, I'm sorry too.

I'm sorry that I feel like youre the only one who knows all sides of me.
I'm sorry I get so pushy when I'm anxious and freaking out.
I'm sorry I can't not talk to you, I wish it were that easy.
I am sorry I still picture things, but that part is always better left unsaid.

It feels like mute lovers screaming. I feel like my mouth is open and moving and no one can hear what's actually coming out of it, not like it matters if they could..because it all amounts to meaningless bullshit anyway. I just I don't know. Yesterday I was to the skatepark and I kept picturing you and Ellie and an unknown bt (bugsy?) in an apartment..not sure where in my head it was just north of atlanta somewhere...no idea why. Your record player was on and you were just doing shit around the place and those two were just idly following you like dogs do. Made me sad that if that scenario were to ever play out, I wouldn't be there for it. And I know that that is partly by my own choice , I realize that. But I feel like It's a valid choice in the matter of head vs heart. And I'm letting head win, because my heart always ends up with a dickslap (lol) I don't know, I love Florida. Milo is so cute here. And I like things here, I'm getting adapted. Beachin ain't easy. However regardless of where I am or whom I'm around...If I start thinking about you or anything related to you I start to cry, I have to put my sunglasses on or pretend I have allergies. I have never been so easy to cry as I am these days and it is not hormone related. I wish I could chalk it up to that, would make everything easier. I was talking to Callie about it and I called Ben about it too. Haha, weird. Anyway Callie said you know he would give you the world youd just have to get past feeling like he wouldn't. I don't know how to get past that feeling, it's one of the only feelings I tie to everyone I know now.

I have trouble taking anyone seriously because of you, I don't think they are sincere or genuine. And I'm kind of thankful because I'm not ready for more heartache. If I expect to get shit on, when it happens it won't feel so bad. Hahaha, FML? lilbit

cheers.