fuck what you heard

do not try and fucking tell me.




just don't.


Went to the hospital today, Elijah looked so feeble. Going to a hospital is hard enough for me because I like lived in one growing up. I hate them, they fill me with sadness when I walk through their dreary threshold. Anyway automatically off to a bad start when I walk into the public restroom to find that someone fully unloaded a Buick in the first stall. Like seriously FLUUUUUSH you dumb shit. shit, get it. Anyway, bad start. Go to the elevator, shouldn't have worn shorts ( men) creepy creepy men. Okay so I should have turned around and gone home after all that. But of course Elijah has been my best friend since second grade, go in to the hospital room. He's shaking from his fever, I was there for four hours..his shaking never let up. He is well over six feet tall, you couldn't even tell. He looked smaller than me in that hospital bed. The machines were all making noise, it was so aggravating at every beep I was like is this normal? should I call someone? Anyway got a cat scan, ran tests. Bone marrow specialist is coming in tomorrow morning to take samples. His fever has yet to break 104, he is beet red from it. Visibly worn out, his blood sugar will not balance at all, it's at 370.. Normal is 70 to 120. His platelet count is down tremendously. I don't do well in these situations I either make inappropriate jokes or I cry. I cried after my jokes weren't helping. I walked out his mom following closely behind so she could let her guard down without him seeing. We both just sobbed in the hallway, I could tell she wasn't telling me everything so I wrote down all the test results. I said my goodbyes sent him a long text because he's totally unable to talk a lot. Got in the car freaked out a little bit, called my mom repeated everything I had written down. Her first instinct is leukemia and obviously the doctors since a bone marrow specialist is coming in. There's a chance it's not, obviously. And I know people live through leukemia. I can handle diabetes. It's just kind of a sucker punch. I of course threw up from being so upset the only thing I am capable of doing in bad situations. Going back tomorrow after court. We should know more by then. Good energy I just have to keep thinking good energy. But I just feel like laying in fetal position and crying.
Court tomorrow, keep it rolling.

I don't have time for your petty bullshit, so seriously take it somewhere else.